Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London .One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat
in it. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said,
"That looks good, I' d really like one, too." Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?
THE MARINES WILL ALWAYS WIN
Take Care and GOD Bless -IN GOD WE TRUST -GOD Bless
Our Troops
__________________ If we all sang the same note in the choir,
We'd never have harmony
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Hey...I just heard this great joke. Wanna hear it?" "OK", says the bartender. The guy continues, "All right, there's this really stupid guy from Brockton...and he.." The bartender cuts him off right there with, "Whoa, pal. Let me explain something to you. See those two big bouncers by the door? Well, those guys are from Brockton. And see those two cowboys playing pool? They're from Brockton too. And those two Ironworkers at the table in the back, well they're from Brockton too. And while we're on the subject, I'm from Brockton too." The bartender folds his arms and leans back with a smug expression. The guy looks around carefully at the people in the bar. "So.." asks the bartender, "You still wanna tell your joke?" The guy responds, "What? And have to explain it seven times? No thanks!"
There was an Italian an Irishman and a guy with a big nose sitting in a bar drinking one afternoon when the Italian say's "Hey we should go down to Luigi's, when you buy 4 rounds of drinks there they give you a free round" The Irishman say's "That's nothing lets go to O'Rourke's on A street, When you buy 3 rounds there they7 give you a free round" Well the guy with the big nose say's "that's nothing when you go to Rhino's you go in and the bartender gives you a shot and a beer, and then another shot and a beer, and then another shot and a beer and then you go out back and get laid" WOW say the other two lets go there. Where is this place??? The guy with the big nose say's I don't know that's where my sister goes.
Where can you go to get 3 shots on the deck and they give you 1 at a parking garage?
__________________ JFK and Jesus, both wanted us to work toward our goals with peace, acceptance and understanding, its funny their followers believe any who think differently are wrong and should be silenced.
__________________ JFK and Jesus, both wanted us to work toward our goals with peace, acceptance and understanding, its funny their followers believe any who think differently are wrong and should be silenced.
MODERN VERSION: This would be humorous if it were not such an accurate metaphor!
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and
dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press
conference and demands to know why the ant should
be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, Fox and ABC show up to provide pictures
of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant
in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth,
this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing,
"We shall overcome." Jesse then has the group kneel down
to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper,
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make
him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper
Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined
for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having
nothing left topay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by
the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before
a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list
of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last
bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in,
which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around
him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared
in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related
incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a
gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote
__________________ If we all sang the same note in the choir,
We'd never have harmony
You many have heard this one but being a mailman I love this joke.
A mailman was doing his route for the last time before he retired. All of his customers knew it was his last day and one by one they congratulated him. At the first house he was greeted with a bottle of wine and a card saying happy retirement. At the second house the couple gave him $200 and a case of beer. By the time he got to the third house he wondered how his day could get any better. At the third house a woman came to the door and ask the man in for a homemade breakfast. She had eggs,bacon,pancakes,fruit and of course a pot of coffee. After he was done eating she asked him to go up stairs with her.Naturally the mailman graciously accepted. They made wild passionate love for 1/2 hour and when they were done the woman handed him a dollar. The mailman looked at her and said " Whats the dollar for?" She replied," I told my husband today was your last day and wanted to do something special for you and he said Screw him! give him a buck!!" The breakfast was my idea!!
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road, and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigate.
He then proceeded to dig a hole to bury the politicians.
A few days later the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
__________________ Politicians are like diapers. They need frequent changing, for the same reasons.
New investment strategy given recent market conditions. Just a point of interest. If you bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49. If you bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans for the nickel deposit, you would have $79. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.”
__________________ Letting a rumor influence your decision is like letting someone else make that decision for you.
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for a promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.
After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.
"That's great!" the executive said, "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."
"Yes, sir, it can, "the director replied, "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politician's brain is seventy-five thousand dollars."
"Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?"
"Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"
__________________ Politicians are like diapers. They need frequent changing, for the same reasons.
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. After ordering their cornbread and beans, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowlya back to the bar. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it."
__________________ JFK and Jesus, both wanted us to work toward our goals with peace, acceptance and understanding, its funny their followers believe any who think differently are wrong and should be silenced.
A man went in for a Brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him $25,000 or the Politician's which was $75,000.
"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?" exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.
"not exactly" replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."
__________________ Letting a rumor influence your decision is like letting someone else make that decision for you.
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Topic: To put a smile on your face
